No one wants to live in filth and disarray. Nor do we want to fear opening a closet because of what’s on the other side. We are neat and organized individuals….just call ahead before you come over to the house.

To better understand our nature, we must first realize from whence we came….caves. Yes, the earliest humans all schlepped around dirty, bone cluttered caves! We slept on dirt, make passionate Neanderthal love on dirt and most likely took a dump in the corner of the cave right next to where grandpa Og slept. We were dirty and loved it! Finally, we abandoned our caves and constructed our new dwellings out of….that’s right, dirt! Tree limbs, mud, moss and rhino dung. We hung chunks of woolly mammoth from the ceiling which attracted flies, slept on flea infested sloth furs, made Cro-Magnon love on those same flea beds and took our dumps in the corner next to grandpa Ogna’s fur bed. We had advanced. Millenniums passed and then we lived in properly constructed abodes of lumber, brick and plastered walls. We slept on bed bug infested beds, made love and scratched on stained feather mattresses, and took our dumps down the hall next to grandpa Ogden’s room.

Now….the 21st century has arrived and humanity has excelled in it’s quest for uniformity and the political correctness of being neat challenged. We are what we are and society forbids criticisms of those who are organizationally challenged! Dirty laundry no longer belongs solely in the laundry hamper, but tossed through out the house like a Marti Gras parade just passed through. The bathroom looks like a biker gang’s outhouse and the kitchen has remnants from five Thanksgivings ago. The bed was last made during the Bush administration and the garage looks like a reality show gone horribly bad. It’s in our nature.

Now, with all that said….I know many of you may well be extremely fastidious about your dwelling and pride yourself on it’s appearance. Bless you. To those of you who are now looking around at your surroundings, fear not, a state of slobversity, is never permanent. Being tardy on your cleaning schedule does not mean you’re lazy or over complacent. It simply means your mind has elevated beyond the mundane to a nirvanic level of ‘ out of sight, out of mind‘…..or…..‘your shite don’t stink’.

In summary, there are areas of my house, as well as my life, that tend to be in a continued flux of disarray and bedlam. I’m not perfect, I get behind on some things, but it never means I don’t care. If the house is in a mess, or the laundry is blocking the doorway, I don’t feel guilt….it’s Wifey’s job, anyway.


Neanderthal man WALL TO WALL TELEVISION LTD for andy.


One thought on “ARE YOU A HOUSE SLOB??

  1. I just sat down to take a break from vacuuming and here I find this brilliant post! I would absolutely use it as an excuse not to continue with my cleaning but for the phone call I’ve just had saying, “We’re on the way!” GAH!

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